A Mediator’s Holiday Wish
By Stanley Zamor
1- Seasons Greetings: “Happy Holidays”; “Merry Christmas”; “Happy Hanukkah”; “Happy Kwanzaa”; “Happy Festivus!”
2- Statement from CoParenting Case: “My children’s father still refuses to pay his support. So as a result, even though I’m working more hours, we’re being evicted…and it is Christmas.”
3- Statements from Probate Case: “…The anniversary of our mother’s death is Christmas Eve. And still my siblings refuse to sign the documents in order to satisfy the banks requirements for use to resolve numerous obligations left unresolved. This is becoming a dire situation…None of us are communicating and out families are being torn apart” -Probate/Enforcement of Sale/Liens
The above are just a few of the many statements, sentiments expressed to me by disputants during mediations that occurred during in the holiday season. Although this is the time of the year where families get together, and most enjoy gifts and seasonal good wishes. That is not the reality for many, many others. For many this is the worst time of the year. According to various research and reports during the holiday season families experience a highest levels of stress, interpersonal conflicts and mental health concerns that inhibit the joy and harmony the holiday season promotes.
Neutrals can play a profound role during this time. And although we are not in a mental health or counseling role, as we help construct solutions to very complex and deep emotional stress; we can encourage better communication though effective conflict resolution techniques that help cope and find solutions.
MY WISH
My wish for this holiday season is that, should you be a professional neutral who deals with individuals or families, during the holiday season recognize the important role you play. Go beyond the mundane and provide the disputants with what is the “Promise of Mediation”. Remain ethical. Use true conflict resolution/management skills and technique to empower the disputants and allow for self-determination. Promote empanty and offer disputants encouragement and soft suggestions to reduce the barriers to communication. Doing so may not provide the perfect solutions to their conflict, but it will demonstrate a professional who is dutifully engaged and dedicated to helping creating solutions to complex matters.
The following are 10 suggestions to a better holiday season:
- Set/Be Aware of Expectations (what you expect from others and your time with others)
- Stay Open to Your Needs and the Needs of Others
- Set Your Boundaries and Create Realistic Boundaries
- Be Mindful
- Approach Every Conversations and Interaction with Good Intentions
- Take Time for Yourself when Necessary
- Breathe, Breathe, Breathe
- Do Not Enter or Contribute to Conversations that YOU KNOW LEAD TO TIGGERS
- Know/Recognize Your Own Triggers
- Answer For/Speak For/Express Yourself, Not for Others
Stanley Zamor is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit/Family/County Mediator & Primary Trainer and Qualified Arbitrator. Mr. Zamor serves on several federal and state mediation/arbitration rosters and mediates with the Agree2Disagree (ATD) Mediation Group. He is also appointed to serve on the Florida Bar Grievance Committee and serves other National organizations as a facilitator and lecturer. As a ADR & Conflict consultant/professional he regularly lectures on a variety of topics from ethics, cross-cultural issues, diversity, and Family/Business relationships. ZamorADRExpert@gmail.com ; www.effectivemediationconsultants.com; www.agree2disagree.com; www.LinkedIn.com/in/stanleyzamoradr. (954) 261-8600
