“Negotiating with the Enemy – Thoughts”

The Washington-Relocation

Father’s Attorney: “My client will not give in or consider anything less than what “we” currently have.
My client did not make her leave Florida or the condo he purchased for her. So, for her to now ask for
full time-sharing is NOT going to happen.”

Mother (Pro Se): Please Mr. Stanley help me! I understand everything they said. But here. Read these.
See? I dealt with 3 Domestic Violence cases with him/his family. So, I left my son and Florida. But now
that I am more stable. I am here to fight for my son. All I am asking is that he finishes up to middle
school with me in Texas; then he can do High School with his dad. That is fair. Right?

CONFRONTING THE “ENEMY”

Whether it’s a family or business matter entering a negotiation is never as simple as people think. At
almost every stage of a negotiation emotion plays a part of how you negotiate and ultimately how you
respond. What is also a factor is who you are negotiating with/against and how they respond.
Understanding both sides does contribute to the type of resolve achieved. As I mediate, parties are
usually, only focused on what law, statute, or case-law is used to persuade their position. I understand
that and get it. But then what? During mediation rarely is one side persuaded to giving-in just because
the law/facts (as it is interpreted by that side) convinced them to “take the deal and run”. No. It does
not happen that way. They would just agree to disagree and let the court decide, right? Why is it not
understood that being face-to-face at mediation, is the best time to negotiate with transparency? Yes, I
said transparency. It doesn’t need to be adversarial.

ENGAGING THE “ENEMY”

Negotiation “is” an emotional event and although many promote/expect disputants to “take the
emotion out of it…” that is not so easy to do. When dealing with the human condition you are always
dealing with issues of disappointment, unmet expectations, insecurities, and feelings of betrayal that
have permeated the relationships’ core. That is not so simple to ignore; and is always paramount.

SEEING THE “ENEMY”

After thousands of hours of creating solutions and addressing family/business matters I have found that
every dispute is unique, in its own way. However, when seeing people dealing with their adversary, they
often must “see” themselves, or their missed opportunities to recognize concerns that would have
saved them years of conflict/grief. So, for many, the enemy they must confront and deal with, is the
enemy within.

_{Stanley Zamor is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit/Family/County Mediator & Primary Trainer and Qualified
Arbitrator. Mr. Zamor serves on several federal and state mediation/arbitration rosters and mediates with the Agree2Disagree
(ATD) Mediation Group. As an ADR consultant he regularly lectures on a variety of topics from ethics, cross-cultural issues,
diversity, and Family/Business relationships.}

ZamorADRExpert@gmail.com ; www.effectivemediationconsultants.com; www.LinkedIn.com/in/stanleyzamoradr
(954) 261-8600